Enough for Eight
by Cinerari
Summary: SSX-verse; Harlock and Tadashi discuss the cook's past. Drabbly character piece.


**I'm not too sure about posting this one... What an odd little fic. I guess I really just adore Tadashi Monono and how much Harlock acts like a protective dad with him. It's really precious, but maybe I went overboard. Please excuse my dumb headcanons. Let's play "Name the character reference in the middle of my sad fic."**

**I think Tadashi's background is really interesting, and it's upsetting that it wasn't touched on more because I feel like they could have done so much with it. Then again, the last five episodes of SSX are nigh-impossible to find with English subs so…hm. Did they?**

**Anyway, thanks for reading.**

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There was a simple blackboard with a list of scrawls that hung in plain sight in the kitchen. At the top in bold, childish handwriting was the word "Rules." Usually I wasn't much for having rules on my ship, but the kitchen was Tadashi's, and after a few incidents, I thought his rules were well justified.

Most of them were associated with with what Rebi was not allowed to do – like playing with a mixer or have Mi-kun running around. The most amusing rule had to be "Ask permission before taking alcohol. I use that to cook!"

But the most important one, underlined five times and written in large, angry strokes, was "Never question the cook." When someone would ask when dinner would be or what was for breakfast or if that pot was really supposed to be bubbling that way, he'd give an irritable twitch before pointing with his knife up to the rule board.

So even though I was his captain and superior, I decided I would respect his rules…by stepping neatly around them.

"You didn't eat today," I stated. It wasn't technically a question, but it served the purpose of one.

He continued washing dishes, his worn eyes down on his work. I didn't usually visit him or the kitchen, but I had to make an exception.

He breathed a soft sigh. "I know."

"And you should know I expect you to keep everyone well-fed. That includes you." If it had been anyone else skipping meals, I might have assumed he was sick. Tadashi was different. Because of his family. Because of the way his eyes hollowed at my words.

"Yes sir," he whispered. "Tomorrow. I'll eat tomorrow."

I waited for an explanation with a stern frown. It was hard to believe him. I'd never seen him look so distressed and exhausted. His skin was so pale and his movements sluggish. He looked ready to keel over at any moment, but he simply continued scrubbing plates.

"It was one year ago," he gave in tiredly. "One year ago today. Her name was Louise. She was the youngest, just a tiny thing. I always called her my little girl because she always called me big brother…like Rebi does. She didn't starve, but she may as well have. She just got sick. I couldn't feed her to keep her strength up. I couldn't afford medicine or a doctor. I just woke up one morning and she was gone."

His eyes were lost in the past, blank and empty. "Maybe if I'd given her my food, she would have had the strength to make it through that. I always wonder, why am I the only one who lived when they all starved? Did I eat more than my share? If I was the strongest, I shouldn't have eaten at all. I should have given them more. Then they would have made it."

"Even if that is true," I frowned. "Starving yourself now isn't going to help anything."

"I want to eat, but I don't think I could stomach it," he whispered. "Just three meals. Just a day's worth for her, to make up for what I didn't give her back then. Three meals for her. And for Manabu and Mamoru and Susumu and Hajime and Kanna and Binas."

I couldn't say it was foolish, because it was his family and his siblings. It wasn't my place to say what was foolish. He must have buried each of them in that cruel wasteland where the ground was mostly rock and didn't yield a single crop. Seven children, all so young in their sleep because of the Illumidas that Tadashi was so eager to kill, all buried by someone who was still so young himself.

Could I tell him it wasn't his fault? I could say that it was the work of the Illumidas. If it hadn't been for them, his brothers and sisters would still be alive. But did that mean it wasn't in any way his fault? I didn't know the specifics. There could have been something he'd done wrong. He could have easily played his own part in their deaths, though surely not on purpose.

"There's nothing you can do to change what happened," I said. "I'm certain they'd all be happy to know that you're alright and that you're fighting for them."

"I was supposed to protect them," he whispered. "I was their big brother. Mom and Dad trusted me to take care of them."

"Tadashi, the fact that you held out as long as you did was something to be proud of. I'm not sure I'd be able to take care of that many kids at once. I know you're going to guilt yourself over this for the rest of your life, and that's only natural. I've seen enough people die because of me, and it never stops hurting. You just have to keep your head up and fight. Remember what they lived for. They wouldn't want for you to hurt yourself like this."

"I know, Captain," he managed, his voice wavering for the first time. "I just…I used to make them all these promises. When things got bad and I was so desperate… I-I told Manabu that I would somehow make a cake for his birthday because it was just a week away. If he could have just made it that long... And I told Kanna that we'd get a cow and we'd learn to milk it because she'd always wanted one and she was so thirsty. I'd say anything to make them hang on, even if it was an impossible lie. Because I never knew if they'd wake up the next morning or not."

Tears began to roll down his cheeks. "One by one, they all didn't wake up. Then they were all gone and it was just me. There was no one to bury me in that line of them behind the house, no one to carve my name into a rock to stick over my grave. What was the point? What was the point of all that if I was going to lose all of them?"

I placed a hand to his shoulder which trembled under my touch. "Tadashi, if we were to suddenly lose most of our food supply, what would you do?"

He seemed confused for a moment, but he turned serious at the thought. "I…I keep stock of everything. I know exactly what we have all the time. If we lost most of it, our best chance would be to portion it out. Meals would vary depending on how much we had left and how far away we were from resupply. I couldn't guarantee anything but…"

He'd gotten little education and never gone to school, but he could probably map out the best plan of action when it came to keeping us alive within a few minutes. "Our experiences – good and bad – are what shape us." I smiled down at him. "Because of what you went through, you could save all of our lives if you needed to, and I know that doesn't make it any better. I'm sure you'd do anything to get them back, but I'm so grateful to you. You're certainly the best cook I could have found. I hope you can think of this Arcadia and everyone on it as your family."

More tears fell from his eyes as his lips trembled into a smile. "Of course, Captain. We're just as dysfunctional as any good one." He rubbed the tears away with the backs of his hands before tackling me around the middle in a tight hug. "Thank you," he laughed shakily.

I placed my hands to his back, not bothered by the soap and water dripping from his arms. "You should make yourself something to eat. I'm sure you're starving."

He gave a slight huff, pointing up to his board. I was about to say I hadn't been questioning him when I saw the newest rule. "You're not starving. Don't say you are."

"Just eat something," I muttered playfully, stepping back as he did the same.

"I don't know…"

"That's an order," I smiled. "You can make me something while you're at it. Haven't had dessert in a while."

"Didn't know you liked dessert, Captain," he laughed. "But there is this cake I've been meaning to make for a long time. Guess I could do that."

"You don't have to make things hard on yourself," I answered quietly.

"I'm not. I'm making it easier. It's time I started making up for my promises. Besides, I'm sure Rebi will like it. And if I can keep my little sister happy with food, I think I'm doing just what I need to be."

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**I'm so sappy that it hurts.**

**Here are the answers to the game (in case you were actually playing for some reason):**

**Louise, Manabu, Mamoru, Kanna – Galaxy Railways**

**(Mamoru), Susumu – Space Battleship Yamato**

**Binas – Ozma **

**Hajime – Queen Millennia**

**I'm really bad at coming up with character names…**


End file.
